Goodbye From Konin
Provision by W. S. Merwin
All morning with dry instruments
The field repeats the sound
And in the wall
The dead increase their invisible honey
It is August
The flocks are beginning to form
I will take with me the emptiness of my hands
What you do not have you find everywhere
August 29, 2017
Dear Empty Hand Zen Center sangha,
First, I offer my sincere gratitude for your generosity and for your practice. Recently you organized a gathering in recognition of my leaving, and it was a joyous event, full of giving and laughter and warmth. Thank you.
It is hard to believe that two years have passed since my arrival from California. Together we have sat, walked, bowed, and chanted. We have spoken to each other and listened to each other. We have welcomed new babies into the world, and we have remembered loved ones who have passed. We have conducted the study of the Way with one body and mind, with many bodies and minds. For this, I am truly, truly grateful.
As a teacher, I view my role as one of strengthening and inspiring your practice. During my stay at Empty Hand, I have done my utmost to fulfill that role, no matter how it was received. I have tried to be of service and to lead skillfully. Zen asks a lot of us, that we might give up our limits and be as vast as all things. This time has been no exception.
Now that time is complete, and we can see the results of our practice together. They must be accepted for what they are. At this moment, the Empty Hand sangha has some wonderful attributes, including a group of committed practitioners and a place of its own in which to practice. However, this sangha has been unable to provide the financial and energetic support necessary to keep offering the Dharma as fully as we are presently. Though many people would like it to continue as it is, that is simply not possible.
Thus, although I will continue to support you, it is time for me to relieve you of the responsibility of supporting a full-time monastic teacher. This should ease a bit of the financial pressure that is now on the sangha, and open up new possibilities for use of the space. I believe I've fully met the expectations that the Board and I had two years ago. Even so, I hope you will forgive any mistakes I have made. Also, it's important to know that there has not been any abuse or failure by anyone within the sangha or by me. It is simply a matter of having to change the way things are done, so that they can be more appropriate to this sangha's particular practice.
Beyond the basics of having completed my commitment, I feel a deep sense of connection to and hope for all of you, one that is based in the certainty that you can realize the Way. Therefore, my leaving is with the sincere aspiration that it will cause a deep movement in the hearts of you who comprise this sangha. Please let it generate a resounding response, one of greater stability and generosity toward each other.
Will you say, "Yes, I will"?
With nine bows,
PS - The regular schedule will continue at the zendo through Wednesday, August 30th. Wednesday is the last night that I will offer zazen, instruction, and a Dharma talk at Empty Hand.
PPS - I will send a follow up letter for those who would like to stay in touch with me. It's possible for us to continue practicing together, by phone, online, or in person in California. For now, the best way to reach me is at firstname.lastname@example.org and to sign up for emails on the www.ekanzenstudycenter.org/blog page. Don't hesitate to write!
Rev. Konin Melissa Cardenas
Ekan Zen Study Center